Mr President

Mr President: Morning Team

Psychopaths: Moring Sa!!, Long Live Nigeria Sir, Long Live Madam sir!!, Morin Sir.

Mr President: Okay, straight to business. Please give me highlights of the main issues we need to address this week.

Psychopaths: Commander in Chief, we are facing the biggest national disaster of our time sir, the people are dying in floods sir, even my grandmother's house in some unknown village that contributes nothing to our GDP is flooded sir. The people are screaming for help, the Ministries are screaming for funds. we need funds sir - that is, cash, dollars, faroukas, Kudi, moneeee!!!



President: Oh that is terrible. So let me understand this, is this flooding a national or localised issue

Adviser: Localised sir, we have found that....

Psychopaths: Please, please please, Mr adviser, you are not on top of the matter. Mr President this is a National disaster and the funding must reflect federal character. The desert areas of the north must get funds, also the people who already live on water in the creeks must be well funded. Areas like Lagos, run by that opposition party, Action Group or so dont need any funds, they have plenty money. But back to the issue of funds sir, we need money fast fast sir. fast!!!

Mr President: Okay, thank God we have the Ecological Fund and competent Ministers and Agencies to handle this issue

Adviser: You are right sir, the Ecological fund invested in Treasury Bills and Government Bonds and by my estimate should be worth about...

Psychopaths: Haba Mr adviser, why do you mislead us?? Mr President, the Ecological fund has been wiped out by the global financial crisis and all the inaction of the CBN. In fact sir, i think we need to invite the Governor of the CBN to come and tell us what happened to the fund. I think we should use the money from Government savings sir!

Mr President: Okay and modalities to be managed my NEMA, Ministry of Environment, Ministry of Agric, Housing and Works?

Psychopaths (shout in unison): No sir! this is politically sensitive and affects all arms of Government. We should run by an objective committee sir.
Mr President: Okay, makes sense. So i need the DG of that NEMA place, Perhaps an economist, and lets get in touch with the UN agencies that are experts in disaster management. What about that Mayor of New Orleans, he did an amazing job during their disaster - lets invite him to advise us on a special contract. Okay team?

Psychopaths: No sir! absolutely not!!! we dont need foreign assistance or the people will say you are weak! Common New Orleans Mayor...who is he sir? Does he have money like our Adenuga and Aliko? we think we should promote our own people sir.

Mr President: well...okay. I dont agree but in the spirit of democracy, i will side with my advisory team. Set up the commitee immeditaly and write my speech, i want to address my people tomorrow morning by 7am. Any other issues?

Adviser: yes sir...last weekend, four students.

Psychopaths: Oga adviser!!!(cuts in) Please go and write the grammar for the speech let me finish briefing Oga on the students.

Adviser: Okay, excuse me sir while i call the media etc.

Psychopaths: Thank you and good bye. Ehen Mr President, some cult boys killed themselves last weekend. This country sha. In our days, shebi we just used to box each other and smoke gbana. Now the cultists are killing themselves. But dont worry sir, the Nigerian people are not even concerned about it.

Mr President: As a former lecturer, this thing pains me. I should spend at least 1 minute consoling the families?

Psychopaths: HABA!! capital no sir! Next thing they will say its because the boys were in a cult you sponsored thats why you are talking. They will ask why you didnt talk since when others were killing themselves. Dont worry sir. Lets handle the floods, Nigerians are not worried about those boys.

Mr President: Well, okay, i guess you guys are doing your jobs and giving me the information that i need to act.

Psychopaths: YES SIR! Long Live Nigeria sir... please sir, we need funds fast to mobilise the committee.